It’s that time of the year when we look back and become reflective about the year we’ve just lived. In some ways this year feels like it has been about ten years rolled into one, and in other ways it feels like the quickest year known to mankind!
For decades to come, 2020 will be remembered by all of us as ‘that terrible year’, and I totally agree with that sentiment; however, for me it’s been a very bittersweet year.
On paper, 2020 is the worst year I’ve lived. And although that’s true, I can actually say that this year has changed my life and I think it might have changed me for the better.
Everything I had was taken away from me at one point or another this year. I feel like my life was stripped back to beyond the basics and I told my therapist multiple times, “I’m not living, I’m just surviving.” and she always reminded me that “That’s enough”.
I would have been happy had life went as it was scripted this year: had the simple wedding we thought we might quickly plan, have our baby, graduate my degree and hopefully be able to slip into my dream job; that would have been amazing. But you know what, even without all that I’m okay, and that feels really weird to say.
The main thing I’m taking from 2020 is how resilient I am. I’ve always been emotionally strong, but that has been put to the test this year. I often describe how I’ve felt this year as a line from a Post Malone song, where he sings, “I’ve had a thousand bad times, so what’s another time to me?”. I’m getting used to picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting again, but this year I fell further than I ever had before, and yet here I am dusting myself off, ready to start again.
I could never really see my path in front of me before this year, but I can see it now. And although it’s still a little foggy and while I still see some obstacles a head, I don’t think they’re a problem. I’m really excited for the future which is something I can honestly say I haven’t felt for a long time.
I can still have that simple wedding we wanted, and I can become a mother again, and I can pursue my next adventure and close the door on the last one; and I’m so excited to experience it all.
2020 has been the year that’s knocked me completely off track and into a different dimension. But I don’t feel like I was knocked somewhere I shouldn’t have been, I feel like I’ve been knocked in the direction I was always meant to be going in.
Gwen Richards 