A letter to me of the past.

Recently I was tagged in a post by my friend on Facebook. It was a letter she wrote to her ten year old self, she had written a couple of sentences about me in it, which was lovely, but as I read it I began to wonder, what would I tell my ten year old self?

After thinking about it for a while, I decided I wanted to give it a go. But on the other hand I was ten, eighteen years ago, a lot has happened in that time; where would I begin?

My life when I was ten was the best it has ever been. I now know I was on the verge of my life beginning to turn upside down, but I had no idea. How could I write a letter to a ten year old version of myself that was happy, to tell her, “It all goes tits up from here kid.”?

Ten year old me, had minimal problems. My life consisted of playing out with my friends and listening to Busted and McFly without a care in the world! The most turbulent thing in my life was my evil Maths and English teacher, who would scream at me when I got things wrong. (She once made me cry in front of the class because I had spelt ‘idea’ wrong. I still haven’t forgiven her.)

The more I thought about it, the more I thought I would like to talk to my thirteen year old self; she had problems and she could really use the pep talk.

*

Hello thirteen year old me,

Twenty-eight year old you here, I’m writing to give you the talking to that you need. There will be spoilers, but you’ll be happy with them, don’t worry.

Right now I know school is terrible, but you’re doing your best and I want you to know that despite what others might think, that is more than enough. I know you feel worthless, ugly, alone, and you have panic attacks daily, but it will all pass. You will always have a problem with them things, but you learn how to deal with them, don’t worry.

I really want to try give you an explanation for the bullies, but there isn’t any I can give you; they’re all just horrible people, that probably dislike their own lives. I will tell you that the main boy that bullies you adds you on social media in the future, and he tells you he thinks you’re cute… so when he’s laughing at you and asking you out as a joke to make the entire class laugh, just remember YOU get the last laugh, when you reject him in the future.

There’s a friend at school who refuses to talk to you because you confess that you like pop and dance music, she’s a loser. In the future you’ll find people who love the same things as you, and if someone wants to only listen to one genre of music, then that’s their loss. There’s another friend that tells you she would be embarrassed to walk around looking like you, and let me tell you something, I’ve seen her recently, and you’d be ashamed to walk around looking like her now. Let it go over your head, she’s just jealous because she is so insecure and you’re not.

The main thing I want to tell you, is there’s far more to life than school. You know that old lady that told you “school is the best days of your life.” she was lying, big time. School is the worst time of your life, and your time there doesn’t get better, but you get through it. Be proud of yourself for never giving up.

Some positive spoilers for the future: there are people that would see you in the street and think to themselves “Oh, she was my counsellor!” and isn’t that fantastic? You wanted to, and you did! You might not do it as a job, but what you do is more than enough, you helped many people, you did it!

You sing on stage many times, again, you wanted to, and you did. You’ve had a few boyfriends, and at 28 you’ve got an engagement ring on your finger, and you’re a mother. Life gets better. It also gets bad sometimes, but you’re strong, you can deal with it.

A sentence that’s helped me out a lot recently is “You were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it.” and I truly believe that. You are so strong, never let anyone take that away from you.

Other spoilers that will make you happy: you meet Frank from My Chemical Romance and he is just as nice as you imagined. You end up on a first name basis with your future favourite band, which blows even my twenty-eight year old mind! You meet James from Busted AND he uses your pen to sign autographs and hands it back to you. (Yes, you keep that pen and never use it again.) Oh, and while I’m at it, Busted reunite, Mam was right, and you see them live twice.

You’re strong, you’re intelligent, and you might not feel confident but girl, if you want to do something – you do it, you’re hella confident!!

I’m proud of you and you are enough.
See you when you get here.
Twenty-eight year old you.

*

What would you say to your younger self?
Would you give them any spoilers?
What would your words of wisdom be?