Looking beyond the armour.

As I get older, I’m beginning to feel that much like saying ‘with great power, comes great responsibility’, with great strength, comes great pain. It sounds like a harsh reality, but I do believe it to be true; after all, we get strength from pain and trauma, so it makes sense, right? I’m not sure.

In my twenty-eight years I’ve been through my fair share of trauma, and although I feel like it all made me stronger, I question whether it actually did make me stronger, or whether it just helped me put on my armour. The girl inside my armour has been the same since school; she has just learnt to wear the armour and polish it everyday to make sure it looks okay.

The thing is, my armour looks much like every day wear instead of being metal plated. I wear my favourite pair of converse, I apply my makeup and brush my hair every day, and I’m certain that I do that not only to trick those around me, but to trick myself too.

Through each trauma I’ve experienced I’ve always had people there for me in the form of supportive family and friends, but of course we hold our own trauma far longer than our loved ones hold it. They go back to their regular lives and assume you have too. It almost feels awkward to wave your hand and say ‘hey, actually, I’m still struggling’ because that doesn’t feel like the done thing.

I believe we’re all guilty of losing sight of our loved ones behind their armour, because that armour is so convincing! It’s like buying a cup in a display box only to get home, take it out, and realise it’s broken and it was the box keeping it together all along. But unlike the cup, we can’t go back to the shop with a receipt and ask for a new one, we have to find a way to hold that brokenness.

So how do we do that exactly? Honestly, I have no idea. I couldn’t give my loved ones a play-by-play of the support I need, so how could I expect anyone to tell me theirs? If only we all came with a set of printed instructions. ‘Don’t talk to during a panic attack’ ‘Hugs are always accepted’ ‘Don’t expose to bright light or sunshine’ wouldn’t it be easier that way!

From my own experience, I’ve found that just knowing there’s someone sat on the other side of my armour is enough most days. A friend that sends you a Tiktok they think that you’ll find funny, a cup of tea lovingly made for you by your mother, or your cat curling up next to you, it’s all enough. However, sometimes that strong person still needs a break.

Although I’m a huge advocate for therapy, and it is truly the best place to unload your mind and shrug off your armour, I still think being able to have that conversation with a friend or a loved one is equally as helpful. It might be even more helpful at times because you can kick back and watch a film after the meltdown, or have a good gossip; it’s hardly ethical to do that with your therapist!

No matter how strong the person may be, they need love and support long after the incident that made them strong.

Don’t be fooled by the armour, there’s a person inside the armour that needs you more than you’ll ever know.