Back To a Happy Place

There was a lot of things I missed during lockdown. I missed seeing my family and having the hugs I desperately needed. I missed meeting up with my friends for a coffee and a catch up. I even missed going to work, and wandering around a supermarket when I was in my twelve weeks of shielding. I missed going to eat at TGIFriday’s and wearing a long baggy top so I could sneakily unbutton my jeans when I inevitably got full! But arguably what I’ve missed the most was going to gigs.

I think a lot of the things I missed could be substituted; I could see my friends and family over a video chat, or at the end of my garden. I could shop online and scroll instead of walking aisles, and we did get a takeaway TGFriday’s meal one night, but there’s no real substitute for live music. I would often put on a recorded live show on my TV and have a dance, which made me feel a little more human, but it just didn’t hit the spot.

For the last two years I’ve had tickets to see bands I like, My Chemical Romance, The Weeknd, Neck Deep and Enter Shikari; all bands who have had to reschedule the shows I bought tickets for. Even though I had the tickets, they felt miles away because who knew when I was ever actually going to get to see one of them!

It was really beginning to feel as if I was never going to go to a gig ever again! Until last night of course, when I saw the beautiful McFly at The Globe in Stockton.

When I saw McFly were playing so close to my hometown it was a no-brainer; I had to be there! It didn’t matter who was going to come with me, or how much it would cost, I had to find a way! I’ve loved McFly since 5 Colours in Her Hair, and I’ve seen them live once before, and then again as McBusted (which will forever be the best gig I have ever been to!) so I knew this was going to be a beautiful first gig back, and a nostalgic injection of happiness through my ear drums!

To me, gig days feel unlike any other day, like a birthday or a special event. They have a special feeling and a smell in the air. While driving to the venue with my boyfriend, McFly blasting from my car speakers, I announced “I CAN SMELL IT! I CAN SMELL SWEAT AND BEER IN THE AIR!” and no, my car doesn’t smell of sweat or beer, but the memories of being at a gig were starting to flood back to me. After all, it had been 19 months since I’ve seen a band live, my live music brain cells (and nose cells) had shut down!

Walking through Stockton, the speakers near the shops were playing McFly songs, which only added to my excitement. While we waited in the queue we managed to dodge as many cameras and interviewers as we could; there was a hype about the show, as it was not only McFly playing in Stockton of all places, but they were the first band to play at the venue in over 40 years!

Entering the venue took my breath away; walking by the bar and round the corner to see the stage greeting me, as it if was a pair of giant open arms welcoming me home after all this time.

Live music is what keeps me happy, it’s always been that way. Music keeps me going, but live music is like my anti-depressant. Deafening music, dancing with people you don’t know, smiling without having to making an effort, and feeling the bass rattle in your chest – it’s when I feel the most content, and I’d missed it so much.

In one way, it felt as if no time had gone by since before the pandemic, but in other ways it truly felt alien. Being shoulder to shoulder with strangers and no social distancing, and no one wearing a mask! Apart from the girl stood next to me, and well done to her for keeping it on throughout the show, I managed one song with my mask on and I was suffocating and so took it off.

Taking my mask off felt wrong – let me tell you that. I’ve been so well behaved throughout the entire pandemic, but I am fully vaccinated, and so I allowed myself to break my own rules just this once. I wanted to enjoy McFly as much as possible, and not fight for air behind a mask.

I feel a sleep to the sound of my ears ringing, I danced so much that I’ve pulled a muscle in my leg (I’m so out of practice, it’s shameful) and I sang so much I sounded rather hoarse this morning (maybe less hoarse and more of a man who smokes a few cigars a day), and I allowed myself to relax and feel happiness once again; true, complete, musical bliss.

For me, I feel as if I truly have my life back now. Gone are the days of yearning to attend a gig and feel carefree and happy again; them days are here once more, and I feel as if my door to the depression of the pandemic is closed.

Thank you McFly for taking me back to not only a happier time, but a happier place emotionally and physically, I loved every single second.